Buildings
by Permanent Rose
Summary: A baby was supposed to make their family stronger, but Emma finds herself falling apart at the seams. Will/Emma
1. She'd Beg for Time

_A/N: You see a lot of happy Will/Emma family stories, but I can see Emma struggling with the task of motherhood, so that is what I chose to explore in this story. The title comes for a Regina Spektor song titled **Buildings, **which inspired this piece-you should go check it out; it a great song. _

_I hope you enjoy, and as always, your feedback is much appreciated!_

* * *

She didn't know where the years had gone, though she certainly hadn't imagined she'd end up here. On the outside, she appeared successful. Happily married for five years, flourishing working mother.

The word _mother _still sounded strange to her, like it didn't belong on her, and no matter how hard she tried to make it stick, it was always in vain.

Emma had never imagined she'd be a mother. For Will's sake, she promised they would try in the future, but the future had come too quickly. Two years into their blissful marriage, he had found her sobbing on the bathroom floor with a positive pregnancy test in her shaking hand. As he stomach grew and she lost control of her body in countless ways, Will had promised that everything would be okay. A baby only brought families together.

The hope had gleamed in his eyes as her husband received all he had ever dreamed of—a wife he adored and the baby he had always longed for. It was a life he had created over the flaws of their relationship. Specifically her flaws.

He failed to see Emma's increasing deteriorating mental state—he brushed it off as symptoms of pregnancy and was convinced that having a baby to love would somehow pull Emma out of her incurable insecurities.

And at first, Emma believed him, too. When she held her tiny son for the first time, all the aches, all the anguish, all the fear had melted away as her heart swelled with a love she hadn't even known she was capable of rendering.

They named him Joshua. Joshua Finn, Finn after his godfather. The boy who had grown into a successful young man remained a part of the Schuesters' lives long past high school; he flushed with pride when Will named him the godfather of their first born son.

His ever competitive fiancé bartered for their second child (providing it be a girl), insisting that her middle name must be Rachel.

Will had laughed and promised to comply to her wishes. Though the tone of the request was lighthearted, Emma's stomach had flipped uncomfortably. She looked down at the baby in her arms. Though she knew she could never stop loving her child, motherhood was beginning to take its toll on Emma. The thought of only one child frightened her greatly, and she wondered solemnly if she would ever be able to muster enough love for more than just this little one who slept soundly in her grasp.

XXXXXX

Emma's hands gripped the steering wheel of the car tightly as she turned into the driveway of their two bedroom house. It was a nice house—a starter house, Will called it—though it was beginning to feel more and more permanent.

It was her day to pick the baby up from daycare—though she could hardly call him a baby anymore at three-years-old. She was supposed to pick him up on her way home from work—Will had Glee practice today. Emma could still vaguely remember the days she had joined her husband at each practice and co-directed with him. But now someone needed to be home for the baby.

She knew it was terrible; it was bad enough to forget your child at daycare, but to deliberately leave him there must be considered some insufferable sin.

But Emma was tired. Her joints ached from the stress and anxiety inflicted upon her each day. Her blouse was un-ironed, her pants (pants had replaced her skirts during pregnancy and she had never gone back) were unwashed, and her hair rested lankly on her shoulders.

Emma hurt; it was an ugly sort of pain that had no remedy. And was it truly so terrible that she was desperate for a moment to escape from it all?

It was not the first time she had left the baby at daycare, and the guilt ate away at her as she unlocked the front door, the overwhelming mess of the house greeting her. Last night's dishes still remained in the sink, the living room was cluttered and dusty, and she didn't even want to think of the state of the baby's room, let alone the master bedroom she and Will shared.

Her vision of an immaculate house had died in the first month she had brought home her son, but she had never intended to live in the mess that only grew each day. She knew she should try to make do with a semi-neat house—the way she knew most mothers learned to live. But Emma strived for perfection and control, and when those slipped slowly from her fingers, she completely lost it instead of adapting to the current situation.

If the kitchen could not be pristine, then why bother to clean it at all? She could not stand a job half done, the only way she had time to do tasks now. So instead, she let the mess overwhelm her and suck her into a frenzy of depression and anxiety as she dreamed of the days she had been able to simulate control.

The only job she could complete without the need for absolute perfection was the care of her son—parenthood could not be done flawlessly, a reality that Emma had struggled with from the first night she brought her son home. There was no way that Emma could control every mess, every curve, every obstacle that came into play regarding the parenting of her child. But unlike the rest of the messes in her life that Emma could hide from when she could not complete them to her satisfaction, Emma could not fall short when it came to her son, and if often scared her when she realized how much this little life depended on her.

That was why she was eternally grateful she had Will by her side. On days when Emma did fall short, on days her fear of being a horrible mother seemed dangerously true, Will would always be there. He'd take the child from her shaking hands and miraculously make everything better. He'd sing to that child with a sort of love Emma had never seen Will express—even to her. He'd take care of those dirty diapers and get up out of bed on those nights the baby cried inconsolably, those nights that Emma cried as well from the overwhelming reality she found herself a part of. And for those fleeting moments, Emma would relish the glorious peace that washed over her tense body.

But the part that sent Emma into fits of anxiety and panic was the fact that they were only fleeting moments. Every time she'd simulate control or finally come to terms with a situation, something else would happen that would send Emma spiraling out of control once again, breaking all the poorly mended tears and forcing her to start over once again.

She placed her bag haphazardly by the door, a sudden wave of inadequacy engulfing her as she glanced at the messy living room. In the meager time she had so unjustly bought herself, she meant to catch up on the cleaning. But the faded couch looked so comforting, and Emma promised herself she'd only rest for a minute. But her building exhaustion and dread got the best of her; within seconds she was fast asleep.

XXXXXX

She woke up to the slamming of the front door. She buried her face in the throw pillow as Will approached her, holding their little boy securely in his arms. His face was tucked securely into Will's shoulder, and on the back of his new jeans, Emma could see a grape juice stain setting into the dark material.

"Forget something today?" he spat at her harshly.

The guilt ate away at Emma's core; she buried her face deeper into the pillow. "I-I'm sorry, Will…it must have slipped my mind," she muttered, hating herself even more for the lie.

Will sighed deeply, trying not to lose his patience. "Em, do you even realize what you're putting me through? What you're putting _your son _through? When Ms. Whitman called from the daycare center, I could hear Josh sobbing in the background" –here Emma winced—" This is the third time in the past month you've forgotten…I'm starting to get worried…and so is Ms. Whitman. It's understandable to forget once in a blue moon—we have busy schedules, but Emma, this is getting out of hand."

"Will, I'm really, really sorry. I feel awful—I _promise _it will never happen again." She watched as the child—her child—turned his face from his father's shoulder. His cheeks were streaked with dried tears, and his big brown eyes were still puffy from crying—crying for her, tears _she_ had inflicted. The guilt and regret only tugged deeper in her gut.

"Em, that's what you say every time," Will finally answered, biting at his lower lip. "This has got to stop—or else we need to get you professional help." His usual threat, though Emma could tell he was getting closer and closer to actually carrying it through each time he said it.

Emma stiffened at the suggestion, her eyes growing wide with fear. She knew she needed help, god damn it, she knew it well. She was so beyond herself that she could barely take care of herself, let alone a child. But accepting help would only mean relinquishing every ounce of control, and she fought to hold onto the little control she still had.

And there was that frightening fact that they'd discover how terrible and twisted her mind truly was. Then they'd take her away from her beloved Will and that wonderful child she could not truly regret—and though her life was slipping slowly from her grasp, she could not bear the thought of it without these two being a part of it.

"Will, just give me another chance. I promise, Will. I promise I'll do better," she pleaded with him.

He caught her gaze—his own weary eyes meeting hers, and she knew that beneath the hideous creature she had become, he could still see the woman he had fallen in love with.

And as he always did, he gave her time—an umpteenth chance she knew she didn't deserve.

She reached out her arms, beckoning Will to place their child in her outstretched grasp. He hesitated at first, but the child wriggled in his grasp, reaching for the person he adored most. Will could not deny his child that.

"I'll get dinner started," he said flatly, kissing the baby softly on the head as he placed him in Emma's lap. He disappeared into the kitchen.

He was such a beautiful child—a perfect mix of the couple. He had Emma's hair color, but Will's curls. His hair now fell past his ears in little ringlets, and Emma could not bring herself to cut them.

"Mommy," he whispered as she tightened her grasp around him.

The simple word was too much for Emma to bear. Hot tears streamed down her cheeks as she buried her face into his curls.

She did not deserve this perfect child's unconditional love when she could hardly force herself to love him in the same way.

"Don't cry, Mommy," her little boy told her, tears edging his own small voice. He bent over to place a wet kiss on her cheek.

Emma managed a smile through her tears as she brushed the soft hair away from the boy's forehead to kiss him gently in return.

"I love you, Mommy," he told her. The simple phrase brought another onslaught of tears.

"I love you too, baby," she promised him fervently, pulling his tiny body tightly against hers. "You know that right? I love you so, so much."

And they were true—the truest words Emma had ever uttered to another human being. No matter how much dread and anxiety and lack of control filled her life, she could never stop loving this child—this piece of herself she had brought into the world.

And as she held her baby close to her, feeling his warm breath that smelled of graham crackers and love ricochet off her cheek, she only hoped that she could somehow make that love be enough.

* * *

_A/N: I'm thinking about doing a companion piece from Will's POV-let me know if that would interest you. Thanks for reading!_


	2. He'd Give Her Time

_A/N: Sorry, this took a while, but here is the much wanted Will's POV!_

_I'll warn you right now, this is not a fluffy, happy story. It was never meant to be, and if the idea of Will and Emma having relationship problems upsets you, then it would probably best if you didn't read on. _

* * *

_Chapter II—He'd Give Her Time_

When he asked her to marry him, she had been hesitant, but Will had only expected that much. They had been dating for eight months, and Will had convinced her to move in with him two months before. She had been adjusting relatively well to the change, seeing as there were many compromises to be made.

Will had convinced her that marriage would not be any different from they lifestyle that had recently adopted; it would only make their affirmations of love and devotion legal. So she had complied, digging out her wedding dress from when she had nearly married Ken.

The ceremony had been kept rather small. Emma's parents and brother had come up from Virginia, and Will's parents had attended as well. The glee kids had also been invited, and they even sang their rendition of _My Life Would Suck Without You _at the couple's reception.

As Will had promised, nothing changed much, at least not in the first two years of their blissful marriage. But Will began to long to expand their family, while the idea continued to terrify Emma.

The pregnancy had been a mistake—at least that what Emma called it at first. It could never be a mistake to Will; he preferred to call it an accident—a much wanted accident, and though he watched Emma fall apart during each month of pregnancy, he couldn't be happier to finally be becoming a father.

A baby was supposed to make everything better, to somehow mend all the brokenness and faults in their lives, and Will refused to pull himself into the reality of the situation.

He couldn't pin point exactly when things had truly begun to go down hill, but it seemed to him as though one day Emma had been a strong, recovering woman, and the next, she could hardly hold herself together.

He had suggested therapy multiple times, and a few months after Josh had been born, he had even set up an appointment with a local psychologist. But Emma had locked herself in the bathroom, refusing to open the door until Will cancelled the appointment, and he knew arguing with her would only make things worse. He had learned that Emma liked to handle things on her own, and she still attempted to simulate control even when things were entirely out of her grasp.

He tried to help her, though his efforts were in vain. Feeling bitter, he wished he could somehow unearth the woman he had fallen in love with.

XXXXXX

"Okay guys, that was pretty good," Will looked around at the tired faces, flushed from the intensity of the number they had just completed.

It was a large group this year—the largest he had ever had at twenty-eight kids. The popularity of the Glee club had gone up in the past two years when they had won Nationals twice in a row. Though the club was successful, Will had to admit he missed the tight knit group he had his first year of coaching. He thought fondly back to those kids, most of whom he still stayed in touch with, even all these years later.

His phone began to vibrate in his pocket. He glanced at the number, vaguely recognizing it but unable to put his finger on from where. "Take five guys," he muttered, stepping out in the hallway to take the call.

"Hello?"

"Hello—Will?" The familiar voice asked, and he confirmed it. "It's Melanie Whitman," she clarified, and Will's stomach dropped immediately. Melanie from Tender Care, the daycare that his son, Joshua, attended. "We have it written down that your wife was supposed to pick up Joshua today…she's already half an hour late, and I'm unable to reach her…"

Will sighed heavily, running his hand through his hair. "I'll be over as soon as I can. And Melanie, I'm really sorry…" he apologized.

"It's fine, Will," she told him, and he could hear her smiling faintly through the phone. He smiled back, bidding her goodbye.

After snapping his phone closed, he reentered the choir room. "I have a family emergency guys, so I'm going to have to end practice early today," he informed the kids, grabbing his brief case and hurrying out of the room.

He sped out the parking lot, his anger rising. It seemed to him that he was constantly angry with Emma nowadays. She had trouble functioning on a day to day basis when it came to basic tasks such as the care of herself, her son, and the house. And when he wasn't frustrated with her, he found himself pitying her and feeling angry at himself for his own aggravation.

"Damn it, come on!" he cursed, fuming as he sat at the seemingly never changing red light to turn into the daycare.

He haphazardly parked, practically running into the center after slamming his car door shut.

He found Melanie organizing crayons in the art corner, her dark hair falling across her face.

"Where's Josh?" he asked immediately, glancing around the room for his child.

"He's over in the next room, asleep on one of the mats," Melanie informed him, rising to greet him.

Will relaxed slightly, smiling as she approached him. "Did he not sleep during naptime today?" Will asked her, curiosity lining his voice. Josh was at that stage where naptime was becoming more and more difficult to enforce, and it didn't help that Emma constantly gave up when she became overwhelmed by her defiant three-year-old.

"No, he slept," Melanie told him. She hesitated before adding, "I think he was pretty worn out after his meltdown…when your wife didn't show up. He conked out pretty quickly after I was able to calm him down."

Will sighed heavily. "Look, Melanie, I am so, so sorry about this…and I can't apologize enough for her; I just can't believe this is becoming a habit…"

"Don't beat yourself up, Will," she told him, giving him a significant glance. "It's not your fault."

Yes, it wasn't his fault, but that meant the blame fell entirely on Emma. And though he had lost count in the times she had fallen short, he felt as though a part of it were his fault as well. He was a far cry from the perfect husband and father.

Melanie gave him a sympathetic look, placing her hand gently on his arm. He quivered slightly beneath her touch, trying to suppress unwanted feeling of desire. Over the past few months, Melanie had become a comfort to him. As Emma's state continued to deteriorate, he had begun to feel more and more alone. Melanie was more than willing to listen to him unload, and he found he enjoyed having someone whole-heartedly take his side on the matter.

"Relax," she told him, and it took him a minute to realize he was tensing under her grasp. Her blue eyes were soft as they gazed into his. She moved in closer, her eyes never leaving his.

He slowly felt his guard melt away. "I should be leaving now," he whispered, hanging onto his last thread of morality.

"Let Josh sleep for a minute longer," she persuaded him, her voice soft and alluring. She dipped her head closer to Will's.

He knew he needed to pull away, but God, was it awful that he didn't want to? Her proximately stirred his desire; he couldn't remember the last time he and Emma had been intimate. Every time they recently tried, Emma would burst into tears, having an inconsolable breakdown, and he could never quite get down to the root of the problem. He hardly even bothered to approach her even more, but he found himself missing her touch.

But Melanie was willing to offer him just that, and really, was it so wrong to _want_?

It was Will who finally closed the distance between their lips, feeling a wave of pleasure sweep through him as his lips worked against hers. He felt Melanie smile under his lips; after all, he had deterred all her advances thus far, and she was now finally receiving the prize she had sought after.

He pushed her up against the wall, deepening the kiss. She sighed against him, reaching to tangle her fingers through his curly locks.

It wasn't enough. He felt himself harden against her, and suddenly he wanted so much more. He felt deprived, and as Melanie wound her body around his, he felt a need to fully feed his cravings. He tugged at the hem of her shirt, delighting in the feel of her soft skin beneath his fingers as he ran them along the waist line of her pants.

"Will," she whispered sweetly, and he had a sudden desire to hear her scream him name in the throes of pleasure.

He worked at the button of her jeans, preparing to undress her, when a small voice interrupted them. "Mommy?"

Melanie and Will flew apart, their cheeks reddening deeply as they composed themselves. Will wheeled around, the guilt sinking in as he expected to see his son watching his sinful display.

But Josh was nowhere to be seen. His small voice had only carried from the adjoining room, and Will felt his entire body sign with relief as he realized Josh had seen nothing.

Melanie straightened her hair and re-buttoned her pants as she followed Will into the dark room, switching on the light to reveal a wide-eyed Josh sitting sleepily on his mat.

"Daddy!" Josh's eyes lit up when he saw his father, and Will's heart swelled with pride as it did every time his son uttered his name.

Will scooped his son up in his arms, trying to shake his feeling of guilt away.

"Where's Mommy?" Josh asked as he snaked his small arms around Will's neck. "She was 'posed to pick me up today. That's why she said."

"I know, Josh, but Mommy's feeling sick today," he lied. He always had to lie, and he hated himself for it. "She's at home right now."

"Can we go see her?" Josh's excitement could not be contained, and Will found himself feeling almost bitter that Josh adored his mother so undeservingly.

He glanced at Melanie before answering. She gave him a sad smile, understanding that their brash make out session would never be mentioned again after Will walked out the door.

Will hugged Josh tighter against him, fighting the urge to take once final glance at the woman standing behind him as he pushed open the door.

XXXXXX

The feeling of guilt tugged deeply at him as he climbed into bed for the night, sighing deeply as he relaxed against his pillow. Emma had insisted on bathing Josh and putting him to bed on her own, and Will knew she was trying to make amends for her behavior this afternoon.

It was silent down the hall, and Will figured that Josh had roped Emma into "resting" with him as he fell asleep. It was a habit they had been trying to break, but Josh hated to fall asleep alone, and Emma was often more than willing to snuggle beneath the covers with him instead of starting an argument that would often lead to a meltdown.

After ten more minutes passed, Will pulled himself out of bed, tiptoeing down the hall to see what was taking Emma so long. He cracked open the door, the hall light casting a shadow across the floor. He couldn't help put to smile at the scene before him.

Emma lay in the bed with Josh curled tightly against her chest. Their matching hair spilled out across the white pillow, and their chests rose in unison as they both slept soundly.

Will entered the room quietly, bending down to kiss his son's small head. He hesitated for a moment before brushing Emma's hair away from her forehead and leaning down to press his lips to her soft skin. Her eyelids fluttered open, and after coming out of her brief disoriented state, her lips curved into a smile.

"Sorry," she mouthed, prying herself gently away from Josh's clutch. She managed to slip from the bed without waking their son, and she padded softly down the hall with Will following close behind. Before they reached the bedroom, Will grabbed her arm suddenly, and he felt her flinch slightly under his impulsive touch.

"Em," he whispered as she turned toward him. Her tired eyes met his. As he took in her appearance, he felt a melancholy feeling sweep over him. She had showered after dinner, changing into a pair of sweat pants and one of his old tees. Her hair was limp and mussed, and when he tried to remember the last time she had styled it and produced her adorable bang flip, he couldn't recall the occasion.

So much had changed since that impulsive kiss in the hall at McKinley High. They always said change was good, but as he looked at his broken wife standing before him and felt his own inner turmoil surging, he had to wonder how true the clichéd saying truly was.

"Let's go to bed," she whispered after a moment, tugging at his hand as she led him into the bedroom.

The couple slipped under the sheets without another word. Emma reached to turn of the bedside lamp, turning away from Will as she fell against her pillow.

Will watched her he drift off, the small space between them feeling like an ocean. He swallowed his guilt, reaching out to softly stroke Emma's hair. She startled beneath his touch, and as he scooted closer to her, he realized how long it had been since they had last fallen asleep in each others arms.

"Will," she whispered as he continued to run his fingers through her tangled hair. The rest of her words melted away as she relaxed against his touch. "That feels good," she murmured.

He hands strayed from her hair to the back of her neck, beginning to massage it lightly. When they had first moved in together, Will had often been able to console Emma from one of breakdowns with a back rub. The soft, constant movement always soothed her, pulling her away from her spiraling thoughts.

He lifted her shirt, working his hands against the smooth skin of her back. "Hey, you still have your bra on," he noticed, chuckling slightly. Emma had always hated sleeping in her bra, claiming that it soiled it.

"I forgot," she muttered. These were the small things that really concerned Will—the way she could not even adequately take care of herself, allowing herself to forgo his basic habits when she spiraled into her anxious states.

Will easily unhooked her bra with one hand, pulling it gently from her chest and letting it drop to the floor. Beneath her shirt, Will's hand strayed to her bare chest.

Emma's breath hitched slightly, but she made no move to pull away as he continued to touch her. He smiled faintly in the darkness, his guilt fading considerably as he caressed his wife's body. He pulled up her shirt, but as he began to pull it over her neck, Emma pulled away from his grasp.

"Not tonight, Will. I forgot to take my birth control today…" she trailed off, pulling her knees tightly to her chest. He could already see tears forming at the corners of her eyes.

To say he wasn't frustrated would be a lie, but he quickly pushed away those feelings, wrapping Emma's quivering form in his arms as he pulled her against his chest.

He felt a sob wrack through her body, and he cursed himself for pushing her too far. "I'm sorry, Will," she said thickly through her tears.

"Don't be sorry," he quickly chided her, pulling her closer to his body. "Em, I love you. I want you to know that—no matter what happens."

She sniffled, her tears subsiding. He felt her relax slightly in his grasp. "I love you," he repeated, kissing the back of her head softly.

"I love you, too," she murmured, placing her trembling hand on top of his.

He rocked her gently, the darkness settling softly around them.

_He loved her. _

Was it enough? Was uttering an overused phrase enough to fix the broken foundation their marriage was resting on?

He knew things were going to need to change. He needed to get Emma into counseling before she had a breakdown to big for either of them to handle. Maybe they could even attend therapy together-God knew he needed it.

But as Emma's small hand twisted in his, he knew it would never happen. He'd always give her time, waiting for a change that would never come. Because merely pushing through the change to reap the desired results would be the factor that would send Emma spiraling over the edge.

And he couldn't watch that. He couldn't bear to see Emma collaspe at her lowest point. He couldn't bear the thought of destroying their family when they had a little son to care for.

But for now, he pushed away his premonitions of a bleak future, feeling Emma breath steadily against his chest. He loved her, and he loved that little boy sleeping soundly down the hall. For them, maybe he could somehow make that love be enough.

* * *

_A/N: This was not how I orginally intended this chapter to turn out. But with discovering Will's weakness for women in the back 9, I thought it would be the perfect way to have Will struggling through his failing marriage with Emma. Besides, it nice to have Emma not be the only bad guy here. _

_I hope you enjoyed it, and as always, I'd love to know what you think!_


	3. Time is Not Given

_Chapter III—Time is Not Given_

"Thanks for watching Josh for the next two days," Will thanked Finn and Rachel, watching his son sleep soundly in Rachel's grasp. She shifted the toddler around her swelling belly; Finn beamed at her proudly, reaching to wrap his arm around her back.

"Anytime, Mr. Schue," Rachel told him. Though they were now adults, and Will insisted that it was fine if they called him by his first name, he realized that old habits died hard. He would always be Mr. Schue to his students. "It will be good practice for us." She winked at him, glancing down at her growing stomach.

He smiled, still marveling at the fact the newly wed couple was expecting their first child. He couldn't help but to think of the sixteen-year-olds he had coached his first year as Glee director. Life really did fly by. He followed the couple into their small apartment, carrying Josh's bag in with him.

"He'll sleep here," Rachel told Will, leading him down the hall to a small bedroom. "We're right across the hall, so he'll be close if he needs anything."

She placed Josh down softly against the pillows. He stirred in his sleep but didn't wake. Will placed his bag next to bed, exiting the room quietly.

"Well, you've babysat Josh before, so you basically know how his schedule goes, but I wrote everything up for just in case." Will handed Rachel a sheet of paper, detailing Josh's routine. "You have my cell number?" Rachel nodded. "I can't thank you guys enough—this is going to be really tough for Emma, and I'd rather Josh not have to see her fall apart more than he already has…"

"I totally understand, Mr. Schue," Rachel told him, resting a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I hope everything works out."

"Thanks, Rach," Will told the young woman appreciatively. "Tell him goodbye for me when he wakes up."

She nodded, and Will bid her farewell, wrapping his former student into an embrace.

"Thanks, Finn," he turned to the man who had become so much like son to him over the years.

"Like Rachel, said we're glad to help. Let me walk out to the car with you," Finn offered.

Will sighed as he left the apartment with the tall boy following closely behind. He had really made a mess of things, and this past week just proved how much he and Emma had been walking on egg shells.

She had found out about his brief infidelity.

He had toyed with telling her to the point where he felt physically ill. The guilt only grew, especially when he saw Melanie every other to day to pick Josh up from daycare. He knew Emma deserved to know, and she deserved to hear it from him.

But he knew it would kill her. She was already hanging by a thread, and to saddle her with this would only send her over the edge. Though the guilt still remained, though each time he fervently promised he loved her he felt as though a knife were cutting through his gut, he didn't want to deliver the news that would ultimately crack their marriage and family.

But Melanie had told her. And though he wanted to feel angry at her, she had only done what Will had not been man enough to do himself.

Will did not know how the exact exchange had gone down. Emma would not tell him, and he had made it a point not to speak to Melanie since that fateful day he had picked Josh up late. He only knew that Emma had been late, and the two had had a heated argument. He could only assume that Melanie's jealously of Emma and frustration at Will had gotten the best of her. She had nothing to lose from the brash confession except for the income from one child's family.

He couldn't really blame her either. He had done nothing to discourage her advances, and he had left her alone and hurt after leading her on. Will hated to admit it, but he had only received exactly what he deserved.

And he felt awful. He felt terrible about hurting Melanie, not matter how sinful her intentions had been. And he felt horrible to the point of physical illness just thinking about what he had done to Emma.

The day Emma had found out, Will had come home to find the house was immaculately clean. He hadn't seen the house in such a perfect state since the early days of their marriage.

"Em?" he had called, the heavy smell of bleach and cleaning products causing his eyes to water.

He found her in the master bathroom, sobbing inconsolably as she scrubbed the shower floor. He hands were blistered and bloody, and each time her knuckles grazed the shower floor, they left a streak of blood, causing her to continue to scrub the white tile in vain. The once white cloth was nearly soaked through with blood, and Will winced as he took in the sight before him.

"Em?"

She jerked around, noticing for the first time that he was standing above her.

"Get out!" she shrieked, her voice hoarse with tears. "Get out!"

He backed up, frightened by the burning in her eyes. But after a moment, he composed himself, reaching for her trembling form. She immediately thrashed at him, her bloody hands ruining the white material of his shirt.

"Just leave!" she sobbed, pulling away from his grasp. "Just leave, and go run off to Melanie. She'll be a much better wife and mother than I could ever be!"

Will had stiffened, his head swimming as he processed Emma's words.

"Emma, no, let me explain…it's not like that…" he weakly trailed off.

"Then what is it like, Will?" she spat harshly at him, wiping her hair away from her face, leaving streaks of blood across her forehead. "Explain it to me, because to me, it seems like I just can't be enough for you. I know I have issues, Will, god damn it, I know it! Do you think it's easy for me, to feel so inadequate, day after day? Do you think it's not hard for me, never feeling like I can be enough for you or for our son? And then to hear this, and I know Melanie only told me out of spite, but it doesn't make it any better. Will, I thought you loved me. I loved you. I always loved you, even on those days it was hard for me to show it. But now I know that I'll never be enough. Never, never, never, never," she continued to successively chant the word, sobs wracking through her tiny frame.

"Emma," Will pleaded with her, crouching down beside her. He wanted to reach out and comfort her, to hold her in his arms as he had so many times in the past, but he didn't dare touch her. "I'm sorry, Emma. And I know that those words will never be enough to fix this, but I want you to know how completely sorry I am, and how much a regret this. Emma, please…"

She only continued to shriek, and Will realized that she was inconsolable. In the past, he had been her comfort, her constant when everything else was spiraling out of control. But he had betrayed that trust, and with her in this state of hysteria, he wasn't sure how he was going to pull her out.

"Emma, please," he weakly tried again, watching her rock back and forth with her knees pulled tightly to her chest.

But she was gone, and he felt just as lost as her as she continued to moan to herself, rocking and rocking against the floor.

He had never hated himself so much as he did in this moment. He had never regretted giving into his impulses so much. How could he have been so stupid? How could he have ever led himself to believe that she wouldn't be enough?

He rose, not wanting to leave her, but he was unsure if staying to watch her fall apart would be the best idea either. And someone needed to be strong for Josh.

Josh.

"Emma, where's Josh?"

She didn't answer as she began to pick at her scabbing cuts.

"Emma," he was firmer this time, his pity and sympathy for her fading as he began to panic. When she didn't respond, he took her firmly by the shoulders. "Emma, answer me now."

"In his room," she whispered, continuing to pick at her cuts. She watched the crimson blood flow thickly through the crevices in her hands. "I locked him in there. I didn't want him to see me like this…"

Will released her from his grasp, bolting out of the bathroom door and hurrying down the hall. He jiggled the knob to open the door.

"Josh!" he yelled through the barrier, pressing his ear against the door.

"Daddy!" he heard his son's panicked voice. "I want to come out now!"

"Don't worry, Josh, Daddy's going to get you out," he promised, continuing to jiggle the lock. "Can you reach up to unlock the door, Josh? You just have to turn that little part sticking out to the left."

"I don't know how, Daddy," Josh whimpered from the other side.

Will cursed under his breath, running down the steps to grab his tool box from the garage. He found his electric screw driver, immediately hurrying back up the stairs to unhinge Josh's door.

"Daddy!" Josh shrieked as ran toward his father. Will scooped the little boy up in his arms, realizing that his pants were missing.

"Josh, where are your pants?" he asked, holding the child close to his chest.

Josh pulled away, looking sheepishly at Will. "In the laundry basket…I had an accident. Mommy wouldn't come when I had to go…" he trailed off, clearly embarrassed and upset. "Are you mad at me, Daddy?"

"No, Josh, I'm not mad," he quickly assured Josh. "It's not your fault, and I promise I'm not upset. Let's get some clean pants on and then we can go downstairs and watch some TV, okay?"

His face lit up; it was rare the couple let Josh watch TV before dinner.

"Can Mommy come and watch, too?" Josh asked one he was situated in a fresh pair of pants.

Will felt as flash of panic sweep over him as he remembered Emma was still sobbing on the bathroom floor. "No, Josh, Mommy's not feeling so great right now, so it will just be you and me."

His face fell, and Will hated to see his and Emma's problems hurting their son so much. He took Josh's hand and led him down the steps. He placed in a Wiggles DVD, sitting beside Josh on the couch as the toddler began to happily sing along to the songs.

It was only a few minutes into the show when Will could not bear to sit idly for another moment. "Josh, I'm going to go up and check on Mommy, okay?"

"Can I come see her too?" Josh asked hopefully, looking up at his father with big brown eyes identical to Emma's.

Will's heart felt heavy, feeling awful that Emma was not even fit to see her own son at this point. "Not right now, Josh. You just keep watching the Wiggles, and I'll be back down shortly."

When he pushed open the bathroom door, he saw the Emma was still there, though she had calmed down considerably. She rested her head against the wall, her knees pulled tightly to her chest.

"Is he okay?" she whispered hoarsely, glancing up at Will with swollen eyes.

He nodded. "He's down watching the Wiggles." He didn't mention Josh's minor accident. It would only send Emma into hysterics once again.

He noticed her bloody hands had now dried, though the blisters and cuts still looked extremely painful.

"Let me help you clean up," he offered, surprised when she didn't put up a fit when he approached her with a bottle of hydrogen peroxide.

She winced slightly as he cleaned her wounds, but she bit her tongue to keep from screaming. He found a box of band aids in the medicine cabinet, and he gently placed them over the worst cuts.

"All better," he whispered, bringing her hand gently to his lips.

She looked up at him with a pained expression in her eyes. If only those simple words could be true.

Now, as he walked out toward his car, he turned to look at Finn.

"I've really messed up, Finn," he sighed, looking the young man in the eye as he leant against the car.

"We all make mistakes, Mr. Schue," Finn reassured him. "And you're doing the right thing now—stepping up and taking Miss Pillsbury to the hospital."

Finn always said things as they, and his simple logic comforted him.

The previous day, after watching Emma sit in bed for the better half of the day, rocking as she picked at the edges of her band aids, Will had called a psychiatrist. After explaining her condition, the psychiatrist explained that it was probably too late to merely stick her in therapy a couple times a week. She suggested that he check her into the psychiatric ward at the general hospital where they could keep a close eye on her condition as they tried to reverse the damage.

So with a shaky hand, Will had called the hospital, who suggested they check her in as soon as possible. And Will had agreed that he would bring her in the following day. In the meantime, a room would be prepared for her, and the hospital would contact their family doctor to check her files.

Emma had been surprisingly nonchalant when Will broke the news to her. Tears had filled her eyes as she nodded, but she didn't have a fit like he expected her to.

They hadn't told Josh yet. Will had called Rachel and Finn to see if it would be okay if Josh stayed for the next two days while they settled everything, and he had ended up breaking down over the phone, admitting the entire situation to the young adults who had become his closest friends.

Josh was more than excited to spend the following days with Auntie Rachie and Uncle Finn, and Will was only glad that they wouldn't need to bring Josh with them when Emma was admitted into the hospital.

"Thanks, Finn," Will told him, leaning over to give the boy a hug.

"You're doing the right thing, Mr. Schue," Finn told him again, giving him a faint smile.

Will felt morose as he drove home, realizing how upside down his world had become in just three days.

He found Emma still in bed, staring dejectedly at the peeling paint of their bedroom wall. Will had meant to repaint ages ago, but it was one of those things that just never ended up done.

He hated to see her this way, and he hated it even more that he was the reason she had fallen off the edge. She was spent; he had ruined her to the point that she couldn't even make herself fight back.

"Hey, Em," he said softly, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

She didn't acknowledge his presence.

"Do you want me to get you anything to eat?" He tried to remember the last time she had eaten, wondering if he should force her or not.

She shook her head, glancing down at her bandaged hands. As she began to pick at the beige strips, Will's heart broke even more.

"Well, try to get some sleep. We have a big day tomorrow," he told her, fighting the urge to wrap her in his embrace.

She nodded, continuing to pick at her band aids.

"He's going to miss me."

Will sighed heavily. He was already dreading the moment when Josh found out his mother wouldn't be coming home for a long while.

"You're doing this for him," he told her, watching as her red hair fell across her face. She still refused to look at him. "_We're _doing this for him. When you get back, you're going to be able to give him so much more."

She didn't say anything at first, bringing her knees to her chest. "He loves me. He loves me so much even when I don't deserve it. I just want to be able to give him even half the love he gives me…"

"You do, Em," Will quickly told her, watching her shoulders slouch as she leant her head against her knees. "You do love him—that's why you haven't given up yet. That's why we're going to make everything right. I promise, Emma, we're going to do everything to make things right."

He left after that, making himself a microwave pizza and eating it in front of the television. With Josh away at Finn and Rachel's, Will decided he'd sleep in Josh's room instead of on the couch. He didn't want to disturb Emma, and pushing aside Emma's condition, he wasn't sure exactly where their marriage stood.

He crawled under the Thomas the Tank Engine sheets, falling into a fitful slumber.

"Will." Though her voice was only a soft whisper, he awoke immediately, seeing Emma standing above him.

"What's wrong, Em?" He asked, sitting up at once.

"I can't sleep," she mumbled, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

Will hesitantly reached out to place a hand on her arm, relieved when she didn't jerk away.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, leaning against his shoulder. He cautiously wrapped his arms around her body.

"What are you sorry for?" Will scolded her. "_I'm _the one who made a mess of things."

"But it's my fault too—and don't try to tell me that it's not. Even though I have a…problem, I should've gotten help for it years ago."

He didn't say anything at first as he continued to rock her small body in the darkness.

"I left him on purpose," she told him.

At first, her words confused him, but she continued. "Every time I said I forgot Josh at daycare, I really left him on purpose."

He confession hung in the air between them. Will waited for his anger to rise, but he couldn't be angry with her. Not now.

And somehow, if he were being honest with himself, he had always known.

"I felt awful doing it, and I still feel awful even thinking that I could do anything that horrible to my own child. I knew what I was doing was wrong—and I can't just go blame my actions on my condition. I want you to know that, Will, because," she paused her to suck in a breath, "because I forgive you. I forgive you for what you did with Melanie. I'm no better than you, Will. I've just made different mistakes than you and hurt people in different ways. And I can't just be hypocritical because I understand exactly why you did it. When you feel so low, so needy—it's a selfish feeling, really, which makes us do selfish things we ultimately regret."

He couldn't speak at first, undone by the sincerity in her words. He throat felt dry as he opened his mouth to speak—to somehow tell her that he didn't deserve his forgiveness, to tell her that he forgave her as well.

But she spoke first. "I love you. I mean that, Will. I love you despite what you did with Melanie. And I'm so sorry that it was my inadequacy that led you to feel that desperate."

"Em, please don't put the blame of my infidelity on yourself. I was perfectly aware of what I was doing, and I'm certainly not proud of my weakness. Please stop beating yourself up. Emma, we've both made mistakes, the biggest being how long we've waited to actually fully admit our weaknesses. We should've gotten things taken care of a long time ago before everything got this out of hand and hurt us both so much."

She was silent for a minute as she slipped her hand in his, the band aids on her hand rubbing against his skin.

"I'm scared to go to the hospital."

He hugged he tighter against him.

"I'm so scared, Will. I'm scared of being away from you, away from Josh. And I'm scared of not knowing how things are going to turn out…"

"I know you are," he finally told her. "But you're a strong woman, Emma. You're a strong woman for even going to get help, and I'm going to be there for you every step of the way."

The couple slid under the covers of the small bed, curling up tightly against each other, feeling whole as they held onto what little they had left.

"I love you, Will," Emma told him, burying her head in the crook of his neck. "I want you to know that, no matter what happens."

He remember saying those very words to her not so long ago. Though the phrase was cliché, it was a powerful phrase if the emotion properly back it up. And Will was ready to make those words mean the world.

"I love you, too."

XXXXXX

"I don't know what to bring, Will," Emma was on the verge of tears as she packed a small suitcase the next morning.

He didn't know what to tell her. They didn't know how long she would be staying, what she would need to stay comfortable, what the hospital would provide. "Just pack what you think is best," he eventually told her. "And I promise I'll bring anything you need if you don't decide to bring it now."

She nodded, throwing a few outfits and personal items into the bag. He watched her in silence, unsure of what to say.

The couple didn't speak on the drive to the general hospital. Emma sat with her head resting against the cool glass of the window, staring at the hazy June sky.

Once they were checked in, a nurse led them to the psychiatric ward where a doctor met them.

"You must be Will and Emma Schuester. I'm Dr. Garrison." the doctor addressed them.

Will nodded, reaching out to shake the man's hand. Emma only started at her feet.

"Meryl," the doctor turned to the nurse. "Why don't you take Emma to her room and get her situated? I need to have a word with Will."

Meryl nodded, beckoning Emma to follow her. Emma glanced at Will, a steak of panic shooting through her eyes.

"I'll be down as soon as I can, Em," he promised her, giving her a reassuring glance.

As they disappeared down the hall, Will took a moment to look at his surroundings, surprised by the mellow green paint on the wall. "I never expected it to be so…green," he spoke aloud.

Dr. Garrison chuckled. "Green is said to be the most soothing color, and most of the patients seem to enjoy it. White, cushioned walls are a thing of the past."

Will nodded, still feeling uneasy. He wondered when he'd be allowed to join Emma.

"So I just wanted to talk to you—let you know exactly what to expect in the weeks to come," Will flinched slightly at the word _weeks. _"First of all, we're very glad you made the decision to take your wife in. It sounds like she's been struggling with varying levels of mysophobia, depression, and anxiety for a while now. In this ward, we have various therapists to help struggling individuals with a plethora of conditions. We also have an exercise unit, an outdoor garden, and a common room for patients to interact with other patients to help enhance their recovery here. In the first week or so that Emma is here, we're going to evaluate her thoroughly and make a decision as to which treatment method would be most beneficial to her. In that time, unless she desperately needs you, we do not typically allow visitors, and the rules often remain that way even when her therapy begins. We find it best to keep her focused on recovery without outside interference because seeing family members can often lead to emotional breakdowns. And I know that this isn't going to be easy on you—and I see here that you have a three-year-old son that will be without his mother, but until we begin to make significant progress, it would be best to let Emma heal without interference."

Will swallowed hard, realizing for the first time just how much things were going to change. But he composed himself, nodding dutifully. "Thank you, Dr. Garrison. But will I be updated on her condition even though I can't have contact with her?"

"Absolutely," Dr. Garrison told him. "We can update you daily if you'd like. Of course, there will be some things that will remain confidential in Emma's therapy process, but we will be able to at least give you an update on the basics each day if that's what you'd like."

Will nodded, his head swimming. He reminded himself of Finn's words. He was doing the right thing.

The doctor led Will down the hall to Emma's room, knocking softly. Meryl opened the door, letting them in. Emma sat on a plush chair near the window.

"Look, I get to see the garden, Will," she told him, smiling fainting as she gazed out at the serene view.

He was glad this simple thing made her so happy.

He approached her, pushing away the lump in throat. "I'm going to have to leave now, Emma, and I don't know when I'm going to get to see you next. I want you to focus on getting better—don't worry about me or Josh. We'll be fine, and we have Rachel and Finn to help us out if we need anything." He paused to take in a shaky breath. "I love you, Emma. I love you so, so much."

Tears filled Emma's eyes as she gazed up at him. "I love you, too," she managed to mouth.

She looked small and helpless as Will left the room. It wasn't until he rounded the corner that he allowed the tears to spill from his eyes.

XXXXXX

_Dear Emma,_

_I know that I'm not allowed to contact you, but somehow pretending that you're going to read this keeps me sane. I miss you so much already, and I hate not knowing how long it will be until I see you again. _

_I brought Josh home from Rachel and Finn's today. Of course you can guess the first thing he asked as soon as I picked him, and I felt horrible that I couldn't give it to him. Em, he just wants you, and it hurts me that as we slowly try to mend all this damage, he's going to suffer in the process. _

_I told him you were in the hospital. We've lied to him so much in his short three years that I thought he at least deserved to know the truth. He asked if you were sick or hurt, and I told him that you were a little bit of both. He knows that it might be a long time before we get to see you again, and right now, he's dealing surprisingly well with it. That might also be because I gave him ice cream for dinner. _

_Did I mention how much I miss you already? _

_I love you._

_Will_

…

_Dear Emma, _

_I can't believe you've only been gone a week. It already feels like an eternity. Everyday, I wait for the doctors' update. They don't day much, but they do say you're doing pretty well. They say they've found a psychologist for you to talk to and that you've begun to work on some techniques to help you cope with your anxiety and mysophobia. _

_I'm so proud of you, Em. I know this must not be easy for you, but you're doing it. You're such a strong woman. _

_I love you. _

_Will_

…

_Dear Emma,_

_They say they've begun the tedious task of finding you the right medication. They informed me this could be quite a task between finding you the right kind and the right dosage. It scares me a little, thinking about them experimenting on you, but they assure me that once they find just right kind and amount that the benefits will be extraordinary._

_Josh keeps asking about you, but he's doing well. It's nice school out, and I don't have to worry about finding him a new daycare yet. And Rachel's been more than happy to help out when I need to run a few errands. _

_She's getting so big now. Can you believe her due date is right around the corner? I must admit I'm excited for the birth. I'm curious to know what the gender is—I still can't believe Rachel has made it this long without finding out. _

_I started seeing a psychologist myself. I just wanted you to know that. I've admitted that I have problems of my own, and when you are ready to come home, I want to be as prepared as I can be. I'm not going to fall into the same bad habits again, I promise you that._

_I love you. _

_Will_

…

_Dear Emma,_

_Rachel had the baby today after going into early labor yesterday afternoon. Josh and I just got back from visiting them at the hospital. It felt a little weird, thinking you were just a few floors away yet I wasn't allowed to go see you. _

_It's a girl. A beautiful, healthy girl who weighted exactly 6lbs. They named her Arabella Marie, a name fit for a star, I think. She'll be taking after both Finn and Rachel in the vocal department—she's already demonstrated that she has quite a set of pipes while screaming for Rachel to feed her. _

_On the way home from the hospital, Josh asked if he would ever get a little sister like Arabella. It was the sweetest thing. I told him maybe someday. Emma, that is one of my dreams, if its one of yours as well. When we get through this, I would love to expand our family. _

_Of course, it's just a dream right now. And I would never want to put more on you than you could handle. Your needs come before any of my desires. _

_I love you. _

_Will_

…

_Dear Emma,_

_Today was Josh's fourth birthday. We had a small party with a few of his friends from daycare. Finn and Rachel also came with Bella. I can't believe she's already a month old. _

_Josh got some nice new toys, and Finn and Rachel got him a karaoke machine, and though he can't read the lyrics yet, he's already catching on to the words of the songs, and he loves it. I think we might have a future singer in the family. _

_When I tucked Josh in for the night, I asked him what he wished for when he blew out his candles. He told me he wished that you would come home. _

_He misses you so much, and so do I. I can't believe that we've survived nearly two months without you. They say you're doing well. It shouldn't be long before we can see you again. _

_I love you. _

_Will_

…

_Dear Emma,_

_Less than twelve hours until I get to see you again. I almost dropped the phone when they told me you were doing well enough for visitors today. They still told me it was best to wait to bring Josh, so I told him he gets to go visit with Rachel, Finn, and Bella tomorrow. He's so excited that he didn't even ask where I am going. _

_I can't sleep. I keep reminding myself that I've waited this long to see you, but these last hours seem to be dragging by. _

_On a side note, I painted our bedroom the other day. Pale green. I chose it because I remember Dr. Garrison telling me it was a soothing color. I also find it to be a hopeful color-it reminds me of spring, and spring always brings new hope._

_I love you. _

_Will_

…

_Dear Emma, _

_Josh can hardly contain his excitement that he gets to see you today. You've been doing great these last few visits with just me, and I'm confident that this one with Josh will go just as well. _

_It's been so great to see your smiling face, and I even noticed you've been styling your hair last time I went to visit. The old Emma I know is slowly coming back. _

_I love you. _

_Will. _

XXXXXX

Will watched Josh sitting in his room, playing with the train set he had received for his birthday nearly a month ago now. He couldn't believe how grown up his son looked. He was beginning to look less and less like a baby and more and more like a little boy.

Will had taken him for a haircut just yesterday, and he had watched almost regretfully as his ginger curls fell to the floor.

But Will reminded himself that change didn't need to be bad, as these past few months had proven.

"Hey, buddy," Will address his son, and Josh looked up from his trains, smiling at his father. "Why don't you put your shoes on?"

"Okay," he told Will, happily complying to his father's wishes as he strapped his light up Power Ranger sandals to his feet. "Where are we going, Daddy?"

Will was going to wait and surprise him, but he was bursting with excitement as his son scrambled to his feet, reaching for Will's hand as he led him down the hall.

"We're going to the hospital. Today we get to bring Mommy home."


	4. They Build Buildings So Tall

_Epilogue—They Build Buildings so Tall_

The silence of the early morning settled around her as she lay in bed, propped up against a mountain of pillows. Her fingers absentmindedly rubbed against the bare skin of her stomach, skimming the swollen roundness.

She shifted, aligning her spine against the pillows, trying in vain to find a comfortable position.

"Awake already?"

She turned her gaze, catching his sleepy smile as he propped himself up against his elbow, reaching out to cup her chin gently with his free hand.

"Couldn't sleep," she admitted, reaching to place her hand atop his, running her fingers against his skin.

"Your back again?" he asked, concerned as his hand strayed to her hip, rubbing the edge of her massive stomach lightly.

She nodded, slowly maneuvering her body so she could face him. The back aches were only one of the physical discomforts of pregnancy.

He continued to stroke her side. She delighted in the feel of his gentle hands against her stretching skin. She closed her eyes, her lids fluttering shut as her lips pulled into a faint smile. With the constant motion of his hand stroking the length of her side, she found the dull ache of her back easier to ignore as she slipped in and out of consciousness.

He chuckled slightly, causing her eyes to open once again as her gaze fell on his. His own lips curved into a smile, the goofy grin she loved so much—the one he saved only for her. She bent down, brushing her lips against that smile she adored.

"You can sleep," he encouraged her, pulling his mouth away from her hungry lips, leaving her slightly frustrated. Her pregnancy hormones raged, making her even more sensitive to his touch than usual.

"I'm not tired...not anymore, at least," she grinned, bearing her lips against his once more. He didn't protest as he hovered over her, giving her just what she wanted as he bit her lower lip gently.

She still found it hard to believe her life had reached this state of such stability and perfection. Only a year and a half ago, she had her doubts, but with her husband's strong arms around her and her perfect child sleeping soundly just down the hall, she had to wonder why she had ever had qualms in the first place.

"Sometimes I still can't believe we're having another one this soon," she murmured as he slid his hand down her expanding stomach once again. It certainly hadn't been in their plans, but as the tiny life they created continued to grow within her, she could not help but to flush with pride, the adventure their life had become only bringing her a wave excitement.

Despite the unintentional circumstances, they knew they were ready. Everything they had gone through together, every worry, every doubt, every unsure moment had led to this.

"Do you still think we're having a boy?" he asked her, surfacing a typical early morning discussion. As her stomach grew larger, becoming a more permanent and definite part of their lives, the conversations always seemed to revolve around the baby.

"I think so," she told him, glancing down at her stomach, as if staring at the mound would somehow clarify her prediction. "They say you carry differently depending on the gender...you're supposed to carry a boy down lower...but I honestly can't tell if there's a difference from last time."

He skimmed his finger along the edge of her stomach, dipping his fingers into the elastic waistband of her pajama shorts as he traced the outline of her belly. "I can't really tell either."

She quivered slightly, the subtle touch igniting her hormones once again. She suddenly wanted his hands deeper. Much deeper.

A loud cry from down the hallway cut through her her lusty thoughts. She turned to catch his gaze, letting out an overly dramatic sigh. "I'll go," she offered, regretfully pulling away from him.

"Are you sure?" he asked, sitting up as well. "I don't mind."

"No, I'll go," she insisted, sliding her swollen feet into a pair of slippers, groaning slightly as she dragged her massive body from the bed. "Take advantage of it while I still can."

She heard him chuckle as she padded down the hall, opening the door to the small bedroom. The shrill cries grew louder as she entered the room.

"Don't cry, Mommy's here," she soothed, approaching the crib to lift her small daughter from behind the bars. She held her close, aligning her child's body around her stomach as she ruffled her dark, wavy hair.

Bella's cries ceased moments later, her mouth curving into a wide smile. Rachel couldn't help but to smile in return, placing a kiss against her daughter's wet cheek. As she placed the eighteen-month-old child onto her changing table, Finn appeared in the doorway, smiling as he stepped up beside her.

"Didn't think I could handle it?" Rachel mockingly accused him, trying to keep the ever-energetic Bella from rolling onto her stomach.

"More like I couldn't stay away from my two favorite girls," he grinned, placing a kiss against both of their foreheads.

Bella giggled, squirming as she reached for her father. "Dadda."

Finn smiled as broadly as the day she had first uttered the word, reaching to rub her rosy cheek affectionately.

"Do you have enough time before work to dress her while I make breakfast?" Rachel asked, moving to the side as Finn took over, snapping the buttons of her onesie into place.

Finn, inspired to reach out to children the way his favorite teacher had never failed to do, had become an elementary choir teacher. Mr. Schue couldn't have been prouder of the younger man when he had announced his first position to their closest family friends.

Rachel had never imagined she's be a stay-at-home mom, though she hadn't ever planned on marrying her high school sweetheart while still in college either. The much subdued lifestyle she adopted away from the glamor and glitz she had always imagined did not cause her regret as it had in the early days of their marriage. With a beautiful daughter and a new baby on the way, Rachel's endless adoration of herself had shifted to these two small people she loved more than she could ever express, and though it had fallen into place without a plan, Rachel had found her perfect place in life. She hoped to mold her children into driven young stars, cheering them on the way her own fathers had. By encouraging them to find confidence and reach for their dreams, she hoped they would grow up to live a life as fulfilling as hers.

"I have time," Finn informed her, "though you'll have to pick out the outfit. You know I suck at that."

She grinned, not bothering to assuage him because it was the absolute truth. Finn had no more appreciation for fashion than he had in high school, and even if he had, it would've been impossible for him to keep up with Rachel's eccentric tastes.

After sifting through her closet, Rachel handed Finn an appropriate ensemble, heading for the door as soon as her task was complete.

"Emma's bringing Josh over today," Finn reminded her as she stepped over the threshold.

"Oh, yes. It's Wednesday," Rachel remembered.

A year and a half after being released from the hospital, Emma was doing as well as expected. The transition back to her home after four months in confinement had proved to be particularly difficult. Though on medication and equipped with the tools to handle her debilitating condition, using those same techniques away from the safety of her hospital room were much more trying than she or Will had expected. Josh had spent a great deal of time with Rachel and Finn while Will tried to ease Emma back into her real life and help her adjust to taking on the tasks and lifestyle she had left behind.

She still had breakdowns from time. There were days she refused to get out of bed, days she cried so much she could not even properly function. But Will stood firmly by her side, mustering the patience of a saint as he struggled with her through the long healing process. Rachel and Finn always offered to help in any way they could, which usually meant taking Josh of their hands. Rachel hardly minded. She loved the little boy like her own son, and she was more than happy to help the couple that had been such a significant part of her life over the years.

Emma did not return to McKinley, and a year and a half later, she still showed no signs of returning to her former position. Still, with Emma at home, Will and Emma had decided to send Josh to daycare every Monday and Friday. Rachel had offered to him on Wednesdays, and on Tuesdays and Thursdays, Emma took care of her son herself. Breaking up the week into manageable chunks this way turned out to be a success. Emma was happier and healthier having three days out of the week to keep caught up with the laundry, cleaning, other errands, and the care of herself, and on the days she did care solely for her son, she was able to more adequately shower him with the undivided attention and love she had always struggled to express.

After dressing, eating breakfast, and giving Finn a lingering goodbye kiss, the doorbell rang right on cue. Rachel left Bella in her highchair, kissing her dark curls, as she went to open the door, revealing a pencil skirt clad Emma and a sleepy looking Josh holding onto one of her legs.

Though almost six, he was very small for his age, looking more like a toddler rather than a boy about to enter kindergarten. Emma ran her fingers through his curly hair, which was just beginning to cover his small ears—Rachel knew that was one of Emma and Will's minor battles. Emma liked his hair long, letting it curl into soft little ringlets, while Will was convinced it looked better cropped shorter. It looked like Emma was winning this time around.

"Ready to go in?" Emma asked, taking Josh's hand in hers as they stepped through the doorway. Josh dragged his feet, his face contorting into a pouty expression. "We had a late night last night," Emma explained. "And someone woke up a bit later than usual so we're having a bit of trouble getting going this morning, aren't we?" Emma glanced down at her son, who immediately attached himself to her leg once she let go of his hand.

"Up, Mommy," he whined, tugging at the hem of her blouse, acting more like a three-year-old than the five-year-old he was.

Rachel watched as Emma sighed, giving into her son's pleads easily as his brown eyes widened, his lower lip trembling slightly. "You know you're getting too big for this..." she muttered as Josh wound his arms tightly around her neck. Emma rolled her eyes, beginning to rub Josh's back lightly as he clung to her. While Emma had been in the hospital, Josh had done exceptionally well developing at a normal pace. He interacted with others, both children and adults, and he began to develop his own sense of independence. But having his mother back had caused him to regress slightly. He became increasingly clingy, refusing to let his mother out of his sight when she was around and constantly holding onto to her and seeking her attention. It was his own way of dealing with the fact that the person he adored most had been taken from him for so long; he seemed slightly frightened that she would leave him again, and he tried his best to keep her near him in the only way he knew possible.

Rachel, feeling useless as she watched the pair, attempted to coax Josh from his mother's arms. "Hey, Josh. Why don't you come with me to the living room where you can play with some toys?"

Josh only buried his face deeper into Emma's neck, refusing to even look Rachel's way.

"Why are you so shy today, sweetheart?" Emma murmured. "You see Auntie Rachel almost as much as you see me..." Josh refused to answer, locking his legs around her waist as soon as Emma tried to place him on the floor. "He's definitely going to need a nap today," she told Rachel, eyeing the younger woman significantly. As Josh grew older, it was harder and harder to enforce nap time, and with him enrolled in an all day kindergarten program at the start of next school year, Emma and Will no longer fought it, figuring that training him to handle himself for six hours straight without a nap would prove beneficial.

Rachel nodded. "Of course. I'll put him down with Bella this afternoon."

"Bella," Josh murmured, his eyes sparking with interest as he dared to peek out from behind Emma's neck.

Rachel smiled faintly, knowing exactly how to pry Josh from his mother's arms. Josh adored Bella as though she were his own little sister. Just the mention of her name always perked him up considerably. She was the only thing that effectively distracted Josh from Emma.

"Bella's in the kitchen. Do you want to come with me to see her?" Rachel asked, earning a smile from Emma as Josh twisted in her grasp, nodding eagerly.

"Well, you're going to have to be a big boy and walk with me there if you want to come," Rachel told him solemnly.

Josh squirmed in Emma's arms, burying his face in her shoulder in frustration. "Mommy can carry me."

"I don't think so, Josh," Rachel continued, peaking behind Emma's back to catch Josh's wide stare. "You see, your Mommy's not coming to the kitchen right now. You're going to have walk with me if you want to come."

Josh looked at Rachel, considering her words. He glanced toward the floor, and for a brief moment, she believed he intended to come down. But in an instant, he had his arms around Emma's neck once again. "Mommy, please, please, _please _carry me there," Josh begged, twisting his fingers in Emma's hair as he held on tighter.

Emma licked her lips tentatively, glancing desperately at Rachel for support. Rachel knew Emma hated to say no. Not only did her sweet disposition make her willing to give in, but her fear of causing a mess or a breakdown also led to her soft parenting technique.

Rachel encouraged her with a nod, hoping that Emma could muster the strength to be kind, but firm.

Sighing, Emma went along with Rachel's original words. "Nope, Josh. I'm not going to the kitchen right now. So you can either go with Rachel by yourself like a big boy, or stay right here with me while Rachel goes to see Bella without you."

It wasn't exactly what Rachel had in mind, but it was an improvement to Emma's normal way of handling things.

He pouted for a moment, but soon he gave in, sliding down Emma's front as his feet hit the floor. Emma flashed Rachel a victorious smile.

Rachel took Josh's hand in her own, leading the small boy to the kitchen.

"Mommy, will you hold me again when we get back?" Josh asked before disappearing into the next room, craning his neck behind his shoulder as he glanced hopefully at his mother.

"We'll see, Josh," Emma sighed as Rachel tugged Josh's hand, leading him around the corner.

"Bella!" he shrieked, letting go of Rachel's hand immediately as he ran over to the highchair.

"Dosh!" the one-year-old child screamed just as loudly.

"That's right, Josh is here," Rachel smiled, bringing a wet cloth over to clean her daughter's sticky face.

"Dosh," she said again, pointing a fat finger to the grinning boy peering over the edge of the tray. "Bay?"

Rachel easily translated her daughter's request, unstrapping her from the seat as she spoke. "Yep, you and Josh can go play in the living room right now."

Josh eagerly trailed along behind Rachel's heels as they entered the living room. His prior request to be babied by his mother seemed long forgotten.

"Say hi to Emma, Bells," Rachel encouraged her daughter. Bella twisted around, noticing Emma for the first time.

"Ebba," she clarified, her mouth curving into a toothy grin.

"That's right. Can you say hi?" Rachel once again encouraged.

Emma waved, smiling at the little girl. Bella obediently waved back.

She placed Bella on the floor next to Josh, who immediately began shoving toys in the direction of the toddler. With the two children engaged, Rachel turned to Emma. "Do you want to stay for a little bit, Emma?" Rachel had only recently begun to feel comfortable calling her former teacher by her first name. It had been easier than with Will—with him, she still often found herself calling him Mr. Schue. He had been much more of a part of Rachel's life during high school. She honestly hadn't given a lot of though to her kind, quiet guidance counselor until Will had announced his engagement to her.

"I can't stay long," Emma told her as she led her to the couch. "I have grocery shopping and a much needed kitchen scouring to do today."

Rachel nodded, knowing the Emma needed to stay on top of these tasks if she were going to function properly. Emma's needy, controlling personality had frustrated Rachel back before she had truly known the woman. It seemed almost selfish to Rachel the way she couldn't handle things on a normal level, but as Rachel grew closer to her, she had come to realize that her actions were anything but self-centered. The fact that she tried so hard, the fact that she ended up breaking down at the expense of trying to function normally for the people around her only made Rachel have a new respect for the woman. Emma had to work just that much harder for all the things that came naturally for most people, things Rachel took advantage of.

"I can't believe how big Bella's getting," Emma muttered, watching the little boy and girl become lost in their own world. "And you too—I can't believe you're due in four weeks. It feels like just yesterday you were pregnant with Bella."

"I know—it's crazy, isn't it? Just a few more weeks, and I'll have another little one to chase after." Rachel grinned, rubbing her swollen stomach affectionately.

Emma smiled at her, but Rachel could see the slight hesitation in her eyes. With a brand new baby in the house, Emma and Rachel had come to the decision that it would be best if Rachel stopped taking Josh on Wednesdays until her lifestyle become stable once again. Taking Wednesdays out of the mix meant that Emma would have to watch Josh on her own for three straight days, a task Rachel knew intimidated her. Emma had worked so hard to reach the consistent point her life was at now that Rachel knew it frightened her to imagine all the progress crumbling. But her progress did not have to be viewed pessimistically. Rachel was sure that Emma had built enough of a foundation that she would be able to handle the task with only minor difficulties.

Rachel patted Emma's hand reassuringly, letting the simple touch say a thousand words. Emma smiled appreciatively. "Thanks, Rachel. For everything."

"You know I don't mind in the least," Rachel told her.

Emma nodded, rising from the couch as she did so. "I need to head out now."

"I'll see you around four this afternoon," Rachel told her, watching Emma approach the two playing children.

"I need to leave now, Josh," Emma gently told her son. "Be good for Auntie Rachel. I'll pick you up later."

Josh nodded, hardly even glancing up from his game as Emma brushed a soft kiss against his forehead. Bella was just as unresponsive as Emma gently patted her curls.

Rachel chuckled. "At least they aren't making a scene."

Emma smiled. "Thanks again, Rachel. I'll see you later."

Rachel saw her to the door, collapsing against the couch as soon as Emma left, watching the children continue to play happily on the floor. It took Josh a good five minutes to register that Emma had left. Slightly distraught, he ran to the door, Bella immediately tottering after him.

"I want her to come back," he whined, shooting Rachel a worried look as he reached for the locked door, twisting the knob in vain. It was not uncommon for him to ask for Emma as soon she left.

Rachel pulled herself from the couch, approaching the little boy. "She'll be back before you know it. Why don't you and Bells come back over and play again?"

He bit his lip, chewing on her words. "She'll come back, right?" He caught Rachel's gaze, yearning for confirmation.

"Of course she'll come back," Rachel reassured him, ruffling his ginger curls. "She'll always come back."

It was a hefty promise for her to make, especially since it was not even hers to keep, but Rachel felt confident as she uttered the words, leading Josh and Bella back over to the living room.

Rachel knew that Emma would not give up. Despite her delicate condition, Emma had always been one to persist. Though on the outside she could easily appear broken, she had a strong heart, a strong soul that held her together, that would keep her together. And Rachel knew Emma would always battle for what was worth the fight.

* * *

_A/N: Ha! How do you like that beginning? :P_

_Sorry this took so long. It was so hard for me to come to the conclusion about how to end it, and I feel pleased with the way it turned out. I did orginally want to keep this very angsty, but as I listened to the song for which this story was named, I realized it ended on a slightly hopeful note, so I took the same approach with this story. _


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